The return to the Light
by Mithril
Summary: Which was the real reason Severus Snape changed sides?


Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to J. K. Rowling

No copyright infringement is intended. The idea is mine.

Author:Mithril (pyurim@manquehue.net) 2002

Note: not beta-readed.

Title:The return to the Light.

Summary: What was the real reason Severus Snape changed sides?

Rating:PG-13

The return to the Light

Severus Snape made his way through the dimly lit corridors, leaning every now and then on the stone walls for support. Ten minutes later, he managed to get to his chamber. As soon as he had closed the door, he began to shake and fell to his knees. Gathering his last remaining energy, the Potion Master -and Dumbledore's spy- rose and stumbled to his bed. Unbidden, a small cry of pain escaped his lips as he laid down. He held his left arm and gently cradled it against his chest. A single tear slid down his cheek and he closed his eyes. The meetings with the Death Eaters were getting worst and worst; Voldemort was completely insane and totally merciless. 

He sighed. He just did not know how much time would he be able to stand his current situation, how much time would he be able to resist the darkness...

Strangely enough though, a small grin played on his face... Because it was in his most desperate moments and in his most darkest hours that his one treasured memory resurfaced in his mind. It was only then when he could hear her sweet voice and feel her soft skin...

His grin widened, as he began to remember that precious night when he had gained his soul back...

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Severus Snape, the youngest Death Eater ever and Potion genius, stood before the mirror, cold black eyes looking back. He held a pair of round glasses in one hand and a small bottle in the other. He smiled darkly and after a little of hesitation, he drank from the bottle. The expected effects were immediate: pain and nausea. He bit his lip for not to scream and braced himself, but fortunately, soon it was over. He straightened himself and took a deep breath. He returned his gaze to the mirror and, seeing everything blurred, he remembered to put on the glasses... and gasped when he saw his reflection. The Polyjuices Potion had worked perfectly!

He was a bit shorter now and had an athletic body that could not be hidden by his robes. Gone were his shoulder-length greasy hair, his black eyes and his hooked nose. Now he had short -and disheveled- black hair, bright green eyes and a straight nose. In other words, he was James Potter's twin. He nodded, satisfied. The mission would be successful and the Dark Lord would be pleased. 

His grin faded for a second as he remembered his Master. He had to admit that sometimes he did not approve his Master's actions... but he knew better that voice his opinion. After all, if it not were for the Dark Lord, where would he be now? After Hogwarts he had found himself completely alone, forever separated from the only light he had ever known, from the only one who had ever shown kindness to him. Oh, but she never knew that her kindness had not been what he had wanted. If only--

Severus Snape shook his head and baled his hands into fists. "No!" There was no point to crave for things that would never happen. He had already made his choice and he did not regret it. He was a Death Eater, committed to the Dark Lord and that was how he would live the rest of his life.

He grabbed his wand and, after checking his reflection for the last time, he disappeared.

The young man appeared near a beautiful two storey house, just behind an old oak tree. He knew the house had a magical barrier, so he would have to get there walking. That was why he had taken the potion, just in the unfortunate case a neighbor spotted him. He also knew the place would be empty. Severus Snape had been informed that Potter would be in a reunion with those stupid friends of his and that Li-- Potter's wife would be visiting her muggle relatives.

In all, it was an easy mission. He only had to enter the house and get the Star Crystal, a jewel that allowed its owner to read other people's minds. It was currently at Potter's custody, but soon it would be transferred to Dumbledore and there it would be out of the Master's reach. It was now or never.

The young Death Eater looked around and, once positively sure there was nobody nearby, he left his hideout and carefully walked toward the house. Once he had reached the main door, he took out his wand and muttered a simple unlocking spell, not alohomora, but something close enough. He snorted. What kind of barrier was that? Did really Potter believe that kind of spell could keep Death Eaters away? Could keep Li-- his wife safe?

Severus shook his head. Well, that was not his problem.

He silently opened the door and entered. It was dark and seemed to be empty. Good. He raised his wand and whispered "Lumus". A soft glow illuminated the hall. He made his way inside, carefully avoiding the furniture and doing his best so not to wake the paintings. His destination was the Potter's bedroom that was in the second floor. He had assumed the jewel would be there.

He was about to reach the stairs, when suddenly he stumbled with a small table and accidentally dropped the flower vase that was over it.

CRASH

"Shit," he muttered, annoyed with himself. He then pointed his wand at the mess. "Reparo." The flower vase was good as new again. He bent down to pick it up... and it was then when he had the very disturbing feeling that he was being watched. He rose.

"Who's there? Is it you, James?" a firm, feminine voice said from upstairs. "Lumus."

The room was suddenly lit.

Severus stiffened and his hear skip a beat. He did know the owner of that voice. But what was she doing here? She was supposed to be with her parents! 

He heard her light footsteps descending.

"Turn around," she commanded.

Having nothing else to do, he turned... and almost dropped the flower vase again. Lily stood before him, threatening him with her wand. Her red hair reached her waist and she wore one of those... silken muggles nightgowns. She was breathtaking. Suddenly, her expression changed, she vanished the flower vase, lowered her wand... and threw her arms around his neck!

Severus simply frost.

"James, my love, what are you doing here?" she whispered sweetly.

He flushed furiously. "I... I..." he tried to answer, but her nearness was overwhelming, not to mention that he was not used to... that kind of physical contact. "Were... weren't you... with your parents?" he finally managed.

She released him and seemed to shiver. "Yes, but Petunia's fiancé was there. I just can't stand that man," she explained, wrinkling her nose in disgust. "You know, people like Vernon Dursley makes me understand You-know-who's fixation with muggles," she added mischievously.

Severus just stared at her in disbelief. Never had he heard someone joking about the Dark Lord before!

"So... you never answered my question. I thought you would be staying in Hogwarts until tomorrow."

"Hogwarts?" he repeated, confused.

She nodded. "Yes. You were supposed to take the Crystal to Albus tonight, remember?"

The disguised man became serious. Obviously the Death Eaters had been fooled this time. The Master would not be pleased... and he knew too well what that meant. However, a part of him -a big part of him if he were completely honest- was relieved for having volunteered for this mission. He was well aware of what would have been Lily's destiny if she had faced a frustrated Death Eater. He shivered at the thought.

"James, what is it?" she asked.

He shook himself and smiled sadly. "No... nothing. I... have to go. Good bye, my dear." He kissed her forehead. He made an attempt to move, but Lily held his hand. 

"Stay, James. You can always go back tomorrow," she said softly, looking up at him with tender and loving eyes.

He lowered his eyes to their joined hands and then returned his gaze to her lovely face. He really was having troubles to resist her... not to mention breathing. Gathering all his will power, he denied with a shake of his head. "I can't... Lily... I must go," he said and then remembered something. "Please, when I return... remind me to improve the magical barrier. It is not safe."

Lily blinked and tilted her head, clearly puzzled. "What are you talking about, James? You know it was Albus himself who cast the Improbitas spell. No evil can enter this house."

Severus stared at her in shock. That was impossible! In no way that powerful spell could be fooled by the Polyjuices Potion, especially if it had been cast by Dumbledore. No. There must be a mistake then, for he did manage to enter the house... and he was evil... was he not?

"Stay with me, my love," Lily insisted, oblivious to his shock.

"No... I..."

She pouted, but her eyes twinkled mischievously. "What. Don't you love me anymore?"

"But I love you more than life itself," he replied, unable to stop himself.

Lily's eyes widened and then she did something that shook him to his very core: she kissed him.

Severus stiffened, but then he returned the kiss. Back in his mind he knew Lily was kissing her husband, James Potter, but he just ignored it. He just could not reject... love. Did not want to...

As their kiss deepened, he was vaguely aware of the apparition spell cast upon them. However, it did not matter to him, all his senses were focussed on Lily... her kisses... her caresses...

******

Severus Snape reluctantly awakened from the most wonderful and vivid dream he had ever experienced. For the very first time in his life he had felt so loved and safe. Oh, but if he kept his eyes closed, he could still feel her arms around him, her head resting on his chest, her--

A soft moan interrupted his musings. Startled, he opened his eyes... only to find that indeed there was a head resting on his chest, not to mention a naked body pressed against his...

He stiffened. It had been real! A delighted grin spread on his face and he unconsciously began to stroke her hair. If only they could stay like this forever... but it was impossible. Lily did not love him. Besides, he was a Death Eater and Death Eaters had no heart.

She moaned again and he withdrew his hand so not to wake her up. It was then when he noticed how pale and thin his arm was. Hie eyes widened. The effect of the Polyjuices Potion were over! He was Severus Snape again; his dream had officially ended. 

With a resigned sigh, he carefully moved, but when he tried to rise, she grabbed his left arm. 

"Don't... go..." she whispered, but to his relief, she was just talking in her sleep.

He gently removed her hand and finally rose. He picked up his wand, the glasses and his clothes from the floor and quickly dressed himself. He knew he had to leave immediately, but he could not resist looking at her one more time. He silently approached her. A tender grin played on his face when he saw her brushed away a strand of hair that clearly tickled her nose. He pulled up the covers and, as he saw her sleeping so peaceful, so beautiful and so innocent, he finally understood. He just could not serve the Dark Lord and be in love with Lily at the same time... and his heart had already made the choice. A choice that would surely bring him danger and sadness. He shrugged and chuckled softly. Oh well, since when had he cared for his safety and happiness? His decision made, he bent over her and kissed her forehead.

"Fare well, my love," he whispered in her ear. He then stood straight and waved his wand over her. "Obliviate," he muttered, not without regret. He stared longingly at her for a moment and then he reluctantly turned to leave. 

Ten minutes later, he stood outside, hiding behind the oak tree.

Two hours later, he stood outside Dumbledore's office...

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Potion Master Severus Snape was rudely awakened by three annoyingly loud knocks on his door. He opened his eyes, but before than he could answer, the door opened and a concerned looking Dumbledore came in.

"Headmaster," Severus weakly greeted him, knowing too well why the old man was here.

Albus Dumbledore smiled and sat on the bed. "How are you this time, child?" he asked, gently patting the younger man's arm.

In spite of himself, Severus chuckled. After all this time, the Headmaster still called him child. "It only hurts when I laugh," he answered, in an odd attempt of humor, but then he became serious. "I am fine, Albus."

Albus eyes twinkled and gave him a knowing look. "I am happy to hear that. Sometimes sleep is the best medicine," he said, earning a suspicious stare from the Potion Master. The old man chuckled and rose. "Well, I shall leave you now, child, so you can rest. Ah, and do not forget to visit Poppy." 

With that, he finally left.

Severus blinked and for a brief moment he wondered if the Headmaster knew something, but then he shook his head. No. No living soul knew what had happened that night. He was the only one who remembered. He smiled. As long as that precious memory remained within him, everything would be all right. Voldemort would never win.

"I am fine," he whispered, closing his eyes and falling asleep again.

FIN


End file.
